Patience...or lack thereof

My lack of patience even surprise me sometimes. Many people can lose patience here and there, but in one month I can see how little patience I have that I feel it is worth describing...because it needs to be fixed...fast.

A quick example is this evening. Dev and I are taking an exam to become certified by NYS food protection. It requires several online quizzes to be taken before the actual sit-down exam and these quizzes have mini lectures attached to them. I was going crazy waiting the fifteen minutes required before taking each quiz and rather than do something valuable with my time while waiting if I finished reading before fifteen minutes, I decided to sit and keep pressing "Take quiz" while the time updated. You would think at 10 minutes, 49 seconds that I would be smart enough to know if I click right away, it still wouldn't let me take the quiz. Nope. For me, pure frustration.

A second, more important example of my lack of patience is what I will now call, "that baby I desperately want." I watched a Lifetime movie tonight called "The Pregnancy Project" where they say the easiest thing to do is get pregnant and the hardest thing to do is raise it. There are tons of television shows documenting teen pregnancy and more magazine articles than I can handle telling of the latest celebrity to get pregnant with her ex-boyfriend. I don't want to sound too dramatic, but I cannot help but say it is not as easy as people say!! We tried for one month and the resulted with no pregnancy. What did happen is I cried (a lot) and I learned that this will take more than one month and more patience than I encompass right now. When I became a google neurotic person of topics like "two lines" and "how many symptoms do you need to have" and "when is the earliest to test" I realized how many women have been trying for so long to get pregnant and how much patience you need for this process, because it can be a long one.

I know I am slowly improving because tonight when I passed the pregnancy test in the store, I stopped and walked right past it knowing I will only cause myself more anxiety (and money). I do have to say waiting for those two lines were more daunting than any exam I have ever experienced.

I also realized how badly I want a baby with Dev and that no age or timing of school or job could change that now. I never thought I could be so disappointed in only one month, but I was. I need to do much better at putting things in perspective without getting so emotional and I need to become patient.

After all, I do find out where I go for residency tomorrow, which means I should be sleeping. I said I was slowly improving, but I will probably be awake for most of the night.

<3

Juliet